...or why Americans should have to pass an examine to leave the US.
Working on an airplane does bring with it lots of opportunities to hear some of the most ridiculous things ever spoken. Some can be expected and are just the result of people not thinking through things before they say them. I get asked on a regular basis on international flights from the US to Asia and Europe if we're spending the night or if we just go right back to the US. IT'S A 13 HOUR FLIGHT FROM MINNEAPOLIS TO TOKYO (and another 13 hours back), DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT WE JUST RELOAD THE PLANE AND FLY HOME WITHOUT A BREAK?
There's also the "what river is that" and "where are we" and "why are the fields in circles" questions that cause flight attendants to fire off curt and biting answers that lead to complaint letters. While these are commonly asked questions that make flight attendants wonder how people got to the airport by themselves every once in a while a question is asked or a conversation is overheard that leaves flight attendants horrified at who has wandered onto the plane. Furthermore, as an American, when these happen on international flights it leads me to support an "exit exam" policy for US citizens. If you can't pass a simple set of questions you just simply aren't allowed to leave the US because you WILL embarrass us.
Mexico flights tend to be the worst when it comes to these things. I often am left wondering two things about Mexican citizens (and about a million things about US citizens) after these flights. The two things I wonder about Mexican citizens are 1-Are they really running across the border just to see if EVERYONE in the US is as stupid as the tourists and 2- If they actually just might be running from the stupid tourists.
Recently I was working a flight to Los Cabos and we were going through and doing the beverage service. The beverage service itself is sometimes one of the more frustrating things a flight attendant can ever be forced to do. I'm forever stunned at the amount of people that are incapable of telling me if they want peanuts or pretzels (oh, the choices overwhelm) and why it is imperative that the question "What would you like to drink" be followed by the passenger suddenly needing to look out the window to respond. FOLKS, YOU'RE ON AN AIRPLANE WITH TWO VERY LARGE ENGINES FLYING AT NEARLY 500 MILES PER HOUR. YOUR RESPONSES NEED TO BE LOUDER THAN THOSE TWO THINGS AND YOU SHOULD LOOK AT ME SO THAT I CAN HEAR/USE MY LIP READING SKILLS TO DECIPHER YOUR CHOICE!!!!!!!! I'm also always a bit frustrated by the husbands/teenagers that can't tell me directly what they want to drink but must tell their wife/mother so she can order for them even when they are sitting BETWEEN me and said wife/mother. Am I really that intimidating? Really? There's also the people who refuse to look up from their computers, take off their earphones (and have an entire conversation consisting of saying "what?" to me) or take their noses out of the newspaper for the whole 30 seconds it takes to tell me what they want to drink and to take it from me. All of these people sometimes take me as close to the edge of my sanity as I ever care to be, but every once in a while someone says something so completely and stunningly dumb that it has to be written about, and so goes it goes.
There was a row with Dad, Mom and 15ish year old son sitting together. As I approached them this is the conversation I overheard:
15ish year old son: "Mom, do they celebrate Easter in Mexico?"
(my internal conversation): "It's one of the most Catholic countries on the planet. Just knowing that nugget of information should answer that most ridiculous question, although you are probably only about 15 years old so I'll give you a break but I'm keeping a close eye on you to make sure you can figure out how to open your peanuts or pretzels...if you can make that complicated of a decision"
Mom's response to son: "I'm pretty sure that they do, they seem to celebrate most American holidays there"
(my internal conversation): "WTF??? American holiday? Easter? Huh? OMG? She did NOT just say that? Jesus, Christianity, American? Unable to form full thoughts, stupid people draining my ability to comprehend. Fading. Feeling weak. Must go get something from front galley before laughing in her face and making snide comment resulting in comment letter. Make flight end soon!"
Needless to say I was appalled and horrified that these people were about to be turned loose on a foreign country while possessing US passports.
This is why I've decided that we should require an exit exam for Americans wanting to go to foreign lands. Obviously we've now made it too simple to find the airport so we must add a level of challenge.
Anyone have any ideas for questions to ask on the exam? If so, post them in the comments section and we'll get a test put together!
2 comments:
At first I was thinking, "now Brian, you're overreacting." Some people do think that flight staff are basically slaves who can be forced to work without rest. And some may assume that you fly over these landmarks every day and so probably know what they are. It's hard to fault people for being concerned or curious. But by the time I finished your post... Yes, exit exam is needed. I imagine just asking them to point out their destination on a map would weed out the worst. Actually that should be required to even leave your house.
1.)T or F Talking louder and more slowly will allow someone who doesn't speak English to magically understand you.
2.)Do you think that your fight attendant might need a new career?
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