As most of you know, I'm a flight attendant. I work for a huge airline that flies to hundreds of cities across six continents (and I'm sure they are working on getting us to Antarctica as well). We fly people from all countries, cultures and creeds around the world and back. It's an amazing job and one that I still love but there are days (and people) that put that love to the test. Today, we're going to talk about a few of them.
First off, there are the obvious ones-
1-Luggage Hauler-This is the person that is heading to Orlando for the week to buy $8 Coke's and $12 kids portion Mickey Meals but then gets cheap and won't check baggage and takes 15 minutes finding places to put it all.
2-Mouth- The guy that sits beside you and yammers on about anything and everything even AFTER you put on your headphones, close your eyes and pull a blanket over your head (I've seen this happen.)
3-The Authority-You're delayed due to weather but this guy knows better. His wife is standing in their back yard and she SWEARS that it is clear as a bell there so the airline must be lying! Unfortunately this guys backyard NEVER has a 14,000 ft. long runway with an air traffic control tower and jet bridges.
Those are some of the more obvious ones but here are a few I deal with that might be not so obvious to those not pulling five hundred pounds of soda and snack boxes up and down an aisle.
4-The Grazer- My airline offers passengers several free snack choices during flight. It's a choice but the grazer makes it a buffet. I say "Would you like peanuts, pretzels or cookies?" and the grazer responds "I'll take one of each". I always look at them totally amazed, it's really not a meal, nor is it meant to be! Pick one and be done with it. (BTW..the cookies are REALLY good.)
5- The Salt Lick- This person (almost always a male) makes me run for the water pills. I'm disgusted by tomato juice to begin with but this passenger makes me just want to hurl. This passenger orders a glass of tomato juice (or bloody mary mix, which is even WORSE) and then want pretzels to go with that. BLECH. Worse yet, it's on an airplane that dehydrates you horribly. Drinking a sodium laden beverage with pretzels is the WORST thing you can do to yourself. Grab some water and you'll better off.
6-The Shocked and Awed- One of the more annoying passengers I deal with. This is the person that sits in his or her seat as we come through the aisle, watching us grow ever closer, handing out beverages. Upon reaching her row (and it's almost ALWAYS women, she is shocked and awed when asked "Something to drink?". Suddenly, her world goes dark and English is incomprehensible. Unable to process all the beverage options (because it's an airplane so the beverage options must be exotic)the individual panics and freezes. She will stare into the great abyss, floundering over her choice of Coke, Sprite or Ginger Ale until, unable to make a choice, she chooses water.
7-The Selection Impaired- Similar to "Shocked and Awed", this person can't make a decision so asks a question bound to send the flight attendant over the edge. The question? "What do you have?". IT'S AN AIRPLANE, it's not like we're reinventing soda and juice choices! Tell me what you WANT and we'll work on getting it as close as we can. 7-Up? No, but we have Sprite. Pepsi? No, but we have Coke. That sort of thing. Asking me "what do you have?" isn't going to reveal something life changing like coconut juice or the Eternal Life Serum.
8-Multi-tasker- The multi tasker simply can't be satisfied with one choice so he/she orders three. "What would you like to drink?" I ask and the Multi Tasker responds "I'd like a Coke, but don't open the can, some water and coffee". Half the time (or more) the person never drinks anywhere near all of it. I don't even know how a person can handle three drinks on those tray tables let alone drink all that! People, take one drink and if you want more, then get it.
9-The drink whisper- This one is a personal pet peeve of mine. Upon reaching a passenger and asking for their beverage choice, the person suddenly thinks he/she can communicate with the inner spirit of the beverage cart and starts talking down to the draw of soda.
Trust me, people. I've been working those carts for over a decade, the soda doesn't talk back. LOOK AT THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT when speaking. We're standing several feet from you while in a piece of metal being propelled at nearly 500 MPH by two large engines. You need to speak over ALL of that and looking down at the cans of Fresca isn't helpful!
10-The iPodder-This passenger insists that he/she can carry on a full conversation while not taking the headphones out of his/her ears. Trust me, you can't. It's also VERY rude. Take them out, look at me (not the cart) and tell me your beverage choice!
These are just a few. I'll keep you up to date on more as they come in!
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